The All-or-Nothing Mindset

I’ve always heard about this so-called “addiction gene.” Maybe it’s backed by science, but I’ve never needed to verify it. I believe it wholeheartedly. Some people can use substances casually, but I’m not one of them. I go all in or none at all with almost everything I do, not just drinking or drugs.

Take card tricks, for instance. I didn’t just learn a couple to impress friends; I had to master dozens. Same with the Rubik’s cube. I couldn’t just solve it; I had to get my time down to 30 seconds. Even now, I still solve it 100 times a day. This all-or-nothing mindset is a disaster when it comes to substances.

Early Life and Experimentation

It’s ironic that I ended up with a drinking problem, given my background. Growing up with a father who drank daily and seeing the toll it took, I swore I’d never be like that. And I wasn’t, not until my mid to late 30s. Sure, I drank once or twice in high school, but my real vices were weed and mushrooms. I wanted to be high so often that being high became my new normal. I wanted to stay in control while being high, a weird contradiction, I know.

After high school, my experimentation got worse. Eventually, I settled on meth. Unlike other drugs, meth consumed my life. I used to call being on meth “super sober” because it heightened my senses and kept me alert, at least early on. This addiction ended abruptly after a high-speed chase in a stolen vehicle. That’s a story for another day, but it landed me nine years behind bars.

This isn’t just another cookie-cutter story of how I gradually began drinking more. You’ve heard that story enough times, but somehow, I ended up drinking daily. I went from tequila to beer, which seems backward in hindsight. I progressed from 6 beers a day to 12, then to an average of 18. Some days were worse. Eighteen beers a day is excessive, even if it doesn’t sound like much to some.  Especially considering it’s daily for years.

The Health Impact and Realization

Drinking this much was expensive, unhealthy, and slowly killing me. I knew I needed to quit. My body was rebelling—high blood pressure, racing heartbeat. I had many ER visits, but quitting was terrifying. When I tried, my symptoms got worse. My blood pressure and heart rate would skyrocket due to withdrawals. I felt stuck.

Finding a Way to Quit: Tapering Off

I knew about tapering off, like people do with medications. Most advice online came from rehab centers warning against it and recommending you join their rehab.  Just another sales funnel really. I found one genuine site that explained how to taper off alcohol. Their advice was simple: reduce by two drinks a day. But in practice, it wasn’t simple at all.

Challenges of Tapering Off

I struggled to leave beers in the fridge once I started drinking. Pacing myself was a challenge. This method should have taken nine days—18, 16, 14, and so on. But I messed up constantly. I’d drop to 14 beers, then back to 16 or even 18. It wasn’t a smooth descent.

Tricking Myself to Drink Less

I had to trick myself. I hate hot beers, so I kept the extras out of the fridge. This didn’t always work, but it helped. You have to find your own tricks, I had many. Eventually, I found a better method: one beer every hour, then gradually spreading it out. This got me to the two-drink reduction method.

Persistence and Final Success

The key was persistence. Even when I slipped, I kept going. This happened often. I didn’t tell anyone I was quitting; I believe in keeping goals private until you achieve them. My health was a constant concern, but I balanced it. I never had full-blown delirium tremens or seizures, but I was cautious. If my symptoms got too severe, I’d drink more, prioritizing survival over sticking to the plan.

This is an oversimplification of the process.  There were many terrifying days.  Some days I would have to routinely go to the bathroom. Look in the mirror to make sure I looked ok and to actually tell myself I WAS.  I felt like I was dying quite often.  Not to mention this entire time my right side (my liver side) was constantly hurting.  I was convinced my liver was to fail any minute it was constant.  I don’t know now how much of that was mental or if I had a sprained muscle.  I’ve since taken liver function tests and my levels seem fine but at the time I was convinced it was ruined.

The Ongoing Journey

I’m not writing this for a pity party or even worse as some “part of my recovery” I’m not real big on all that stuff. I’m not even in recovery in my mind. I’m just living my life.  I’ve stopped drinking. I never think about it. I have had a couple of drinks since the day I finished the taper.  Drinking a drink once a week or every once in a while is utterly pointless to me so I just don’t even desire it anymore. 

It’s been 3 months since I finished the taper.  I recorded the day to calculate how much money I was saving not drinking.  If anything that is a huge motivator for me once I see it calculated which this app does automatically. It’s become a significant amount.  Checking it right now my savings are $1178.56. I put in a conservative 12 dollars a day calculation so in reality it is much more.

 If I could do it, anyone can. If you have support, use it. The journey is simple but not easy. But it’s doable. Just keep at it, and you’ll get there.  Email me for questions or support if you’d like.  I’m no counselor, doctor, or role model but I have actually been through it so there is that.  I have to advise that proper medical attention is what you should be doing since alcohol withdrawals can be dangerous, even life-threatening.  Nothing in this post is meant to advise you otherwise.